Sex & Money

We all know we’re not a factual podcast, but I’m pretty confident when I say that sex and money are two topics that every single couple ever fight about.

And this week, Lindalin and I discussed the money situation with a bit of help of Brisbane money coach, Laura McDonnell. Laura reached out to us saying that she works with many couples who have heated disagreements over money. Money is emotional, as is an intimate relationship, so when the two collide, fireworks go off – and not in a sexy way!

Here’s a little excerpt of her message:

“…a lot of the time one will be a spender and the other partner will be a saver and so the person trying to save money feels frustrated with the perceived non effort of the partner who is spending the money. It can really poison relationships and the affection partners have for each other. The ‘saver’ feels like the ‘spender’ is discounting and sabotaging their efforts to get them ahead financially.

One couple had a mortgage paid off in full and the male partner wanted a house upgrade so they ended up upgrading, but having to go back into debt for a larger home. The female partner then resents her male partner for putting them back in debt because she had early retirement plans that she was focusing on – like building her share portfolio and super. Instead now she sees it as he has put them in the position of having to pay off a house all over again.

Laura McDonnell – The Money Coach

And this got us talking about our own relationships…

It’s all about partnership

Much like in my relationship, Lindalin and her husband Cameron don’t have money fights. And thank fark for that, because nothing can feel less demeaning than someone who constantly questions your spending habits.

In my house, we both know the financial situation (not that that means bills get paid on time) and we’ve always shared our money.

Right from the beginning when I spent three years in uni acquiring course credits that led me nowhere, Henry would pay for all lunches and dinners and movies and dates. He’s always been rather chivalrous like that.

Then, when I decided that earning money was better than wasting it, it took no time for me to find a job and take over paying for our holidays and whatever my love desired – usually fishing related.

By the time marriage rolled around, we were well versed in each other’s financial situation and we function on the principal that if you really want it, you’re a grown arse adult and you can buy it. But like, don’t bankrupt us.

I Quit!

It was when I quit my cushy government job that things took a weird turn for me internally. Because suddenly I wasn’t bringing money into the house and that can get a gal down if not for a partner who was 110% on board to support her dreams. Thankfully I was such a gal.

Lindalin quit her job when she had her babies and never returned to work so she’s had a few years to get used to the idea of being dependent on the big kahuna for finances.

What’s really important in both scenarios was that there was a mutual agreement between the parties that they would support each other.

In Lindalin’s house, the agreement is that she will support the family by running the household and keeping the kids alive, fed and happy.

In my house, it was that I will chip away at this podcasting dream until we’re so loaded that we won’t be able to decide between the private jet or the yacht.

But really, all I’m really working towards is having a) some income and b) enough income for Henry to quit his job and fish for about a year before turning to some sort of backyard agriculture.

Get your budgets out…

So the lesson for the day is that communication is key. It is SO important for both partners to understand and support each other in leading the life you both want to live. If I questioned Henry every time he wanted to buy a new fishing lure, he would resent me, get himself a secret credit card and lie to me about it. That opens doors to other lies and before I know it, he’ll have another family close to a boat ramp.

Is that what I want? Nope!

Anywho, communication is ca$h, so spread that love and keep the lines open.

Peace out and keep that credit in check,

B&L

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Episode #60 of Wine Chats with Bildo & Lindalin was proudly sponsored by ReWine.

And now, for Lindalin’s review…

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