This week, Lindalin and I interviewed a male representative, Benjamin, to get to the bottom of questions like why men ALWAYS want sex and how come they grab our bits all time?
Instead, we got a lesson in humility as Benjamin led us through a day in the life of a husband, and more so, how our female behaviour impacts on their every day lives.
A text from Ben
Benjamin is my brother-in-law and I have known him for 15 years. We have a lot of similarities, one of them being that we are both very opinionated, except he’s kind of a scientist (as in, he’s been to uni and even finished two degrees). So when he told me that he’s an avid listener of Wine Chats, I was chuffed.
What I didn’t expect was the text I received from him after Lindalin and I released episode #36 Let’s Get Intimate.
This text right here is the reason he was invited to be on the podcast!
I’ll let Ben speak for himself…
“Obviously this is one I have a LOT to say about.”
“Ok so. Obviously this is one I have a LOT to say about. So this won’t even scratch the surface, but…
For women to want sex, they need to feel loved.
For men to feel loved they need sex.
For guys to even talk to you about this shit, it takes a big build up, so this is shit that has been eating him up for a while and he’s tried to find the best way to articulate it. He even uses good communication words like “when you do this, I feel like…” And what do women do? “OMG I’m just so tired! I just want some time for me! Just give me room to fucking breathe!”
Whoa, it’s not always about you, Karen! Stop acting like it’s always an accusation.
He is trying to let you know how he feels and dying to find that connection with you again…
Yes. He knows you’re stressed, he knows you’ve got people pulling at you from all ends. But you know what? So does he. He’s stressed as fuck. But he wasn’t attacking you. He is trying to let you know how he feels and dying to find that connection with you again because, to be honest, he’s so far down the pecking order or priorities on your list he feels freaking worthless to you. You know, the only person in the world he wants to feel wanted from.
I know it feels like he wants to fuck every day. But that’s probably because he’s only got it once in the last month. No one’s right or wrong on this one. You’re both right. You’re just coming from two different ends of the spectrum. You just have to find out how to communicate it and find your middle so no one’s feelings get hurt.
Again, men use sex for intimacy. If it was just about getting a load off we could just whack off and be done with it. But it’s not enough.
Women – “If he wants sex, he better freaking wine and dine me. Give me a massage. Set the mood”
Men – *does those things*
Women – “Fuck, man, why does it always have to lead to sex? Can’t he just be intimate!”
You see – men are very logical. A + B + C = D.
If I did this, and then this and then that, and then I got sex, that means if I do this and that again, I’ll get sex, right?
Men don’t understand women for this. You have to be in the right mood, no stress, right lead up, the motherfucking stars have to align on the equinox of Saturn’s 5th Sun and EVEN THEN, you might just want to cuddle. Guys heads are like “Wtf? I did everything the instruction manual said! It didn’t work!” We’re confused and hurt. It must mean you don’t love us. Or you’re fucking the pool boy…
Sometimes it doesn’t take much. Guys crave intimacy just as much as women. Probably more so, because as I said they don’t really ever get it from anything else in their day. You can just say “look, I really want to cuddle at the moment, but I’m really sorry I’m just freaking tired, I would love to. If I wake up during the night and I’m horny, it’s game on”. Just dangle that carrot and guys are like Lloyd Christmas in Dumb and Dumber “so you’re telling me there’s a chance…””
Gentleman, we hear you!
If you haven’t listened to our interview with Ben, you must go back and do it NOW! NOW DAMMIT!
Because it was so insightful and he was able to explain the male mind in such an articulate and passionate way, that I honestly went home and hugged the Husband a little tighter. He even got a dick squeeze out of it!
So please make sure you check it out, remember to subscribe and let us know what you think of the episode – did it make you think about your own marriage and behaviour?
Peace out, be nice to your spouse and remember – don’t be a dick!