You guys, I made it!
I have officially hit that point in my Instagramming and social media career where I am having people slide into my DM’s!
What does that even mean? Let’s explore…
Sliding into DM’s
This has never been more exciting to me, and not because I’m a dog and looking to hook up with said randoms, far from it. But I do feel it’s a right of passage of sorts.
And to be honest, if I’m not having people slide into my DM’s, then am I even doing it right?
I’ve had not one but TWO people slide into my DM’s in one week alone. That’s right, your Bildo is a sought after woman!
The first Instagram DM I ever received was just a message saying hello, that I promptly ignored because, well, I hardly have time to converse with my real friends let alone strangers on the internet.
But he was determined so with a week between messages, he sends me one saying something about what a beautiful woman I was and questioning my well being.
I should mention that this was shortly after I splashed these gorgeous photos all over Insta:
And so I didn’t blame him for thinking that I was beautiful.
Because frankly, those lips alone took, like, 20 minutes to plaster on. Then there was the rest of the face that took another 30 minutes of painting and contouring. Let’s not forget the two days of planning that outfit. The only effortless thing about me that day was my hair that played nice for once.
So I don’t blame him. In fact, I was stoked that my effort was being rewarded!
What he doesn’t know…
What my random fan doesn’t know is that that shit is all smoke and mirrors.
I’m not saying that I don’t really look like that or that I wasn’t smoking hot on the day – on the contrary – I was a real looker.
What I am saying is that the look he was salivating over is a once every three years look. In fact, the last time I looked that good, was probably my wedding day.
Normally, I look this sexy:
There, I said it.
No make up, no filter, no eyebrows (I know you went back to check, and yes, I know I have Snoopy eyebrows) and no care in the world.
This is about as sexy as I get in my every day life. Thank God I got married.
Anyway, I felt bad that this guy was wasting his time on someone who wasn’t that every-day-pretty and also totally, happily married and not looking to mingle, so I sent him a nice message saying, bro, I don’t really look like this.
He send back a sweet message saying that he knows a pretty woman when he sees one.
I blocked him.
My second DM slide
My second DM came with a photo!
Thankfully not a dick pic, because that shit would gross out my prudish mind. I would literally gag if anyone ever sent me a dick pic, husband included. That is not an invitation or challenge.
But this gentleman just took a nice selfie of himself in his bathroom and started low key by saying “Bildo! This guy says hello.”
Now, maybe he wasn’t trying to be forward. Maybe he wasn’t trying to spark up a conversation with my gorgeous self in the hopes of being my one and only.
But I still took it and ran.
So here I am, in bed with the Husband, my actual one and only, eating chocolate, and thinking to myself, man, I really made it.
I turn to the Husband and I’m like, “Yo, someone just slid into my DM’s!” and he’s like, “Yea, ok, that’s nice honey,” and I’m like, “No, for real, look, he even sent a photo,” and then we examined the photo and laughed together at my great success.
And THAT, my dear friends, is what a healthy marriage looks like!
Obviously, I don’t entertain the DM’s and although I’m super appreciative, I’m also not into messaging with strangers.
So, apologies to all the DM sliders I’ve put off. It’s not that I don’t want to hear from you in order to further inflate my ego, it’s just that I’m a real and ordinary person and I prefer meeting people face to face. Or not at all.
I would LOVE to hear any great DM stories you have so hit me up in the comments below or DM me! LOOOOL, I’m so clever.
Thanks for reading and loving and remember – don’t be a dick! Or send dick pics, don’t do that either.